I never good at writing, especially letters. Remember on our second year where i'm too lazy to think to write an advertisement letters for homework? Instead of writing it, i copied all your letters. Yeah, i never really keen with writing. And we all know that you have a secret diary book, that until today i never really know whats in it. And that is an approval. you can write, i can't. Yeah, but i attempt myself to do this letter to write everytime you came say Hi to me on my dreams. I learned how to write from you
It's been a very hard times since you never come back again, i do stuff by myself, like watching DVDs, Karaoke, Shopping, and i even have no one to text with. My life becomes a great hole of boredom. I miss our long convos, the way we sneak out at night just to talk on the phone, haha yeah those moments is precious.
Yah (It's your short name, the closest one always calling you with that name) but i never really asked if you love that name or not, though some people calling you with "Nad" or "Yaya". But i always calling you "Yah" so deal with it, teehee. It's been so long since you passed away. everything is changing here, i never really get in touch with your family members again, blame it on me and my personality disorders. But i always afraid that i'm gonna interrupting them or something. Our Girls is now all married and having kids, except me. And they all now is nowhere to be found, like the world has swollen them all. They're never trying to contact me even though i always trying to find them. They're now have a private life to manage, so i understand. Everyone's change. So am i.
I remember the other night , that you came to my dreams, we have a great time at our old school with the uniforms and shit. I was about to tell you a secret, and then i woke up. And it making me devastated. I hate waking up to reality, what's the point of reality when i don't have you in there? I always loves it when i had a dreams and you always appeared like you never died or leave, like you never ride your motorcycle that afternoon, like you just got back from a very long journey to see me. And i don't know why, but i always offering myself to pick you up anywhere you want to go, like i don't wanna lose you again this time, like.. i'll be the one who guided you so no one could harmed you. or i always said "Keep in touch" or "Text me, and i'll call you right away". Yeah i don't wanna those dreams to be ended too soon. I still wanna talk to you, i still wanna hold your hands, i still wanna hang out with you. Why can't i have this kinda dreams more often? is that too much to ask?
And last night, i dreamed about you again, twice. And soon as i woke up this morning, i feel this sorrow on my chest, but i can not even cry anymore. I just wanna live in my own dreams to find you every night. I change, ok. I hate reality, i used to be the one who always crashed someone's daydream because there's no point of dreaming. I was so mean back then. And now i hate reality, it sucks! You can't have people you love in reality. Because the nice one always leave first. And they're know live in mortal world called "Dreams".
Yah, i miss you. You're the one who talked to me using English so no one would understand the conversation. because the conversation is ours. Some friends i have is always contact me whenever they want or whenever they need something. But i'm okay with that. Cuz you taught me how to accept people who came to your life, no matter what. but, still i miss you.
I shut myself, maybe because i'm afraid that i might lose them again if they became closer to me. I don't wanna have those pain again, i don't wanna be break down again. So, when people trying to be close to me, i gave them the distance. I just don't wanna be in the same page of misery again in my life.
Yah, You're now in a better place. I know. We don’t have bedroom windows that face each other, we’ve never sat
out under the stars talking about where we are going with our lives,
we’ve never been mischievous together, but to me, you are the proverbial best friends forever. A friend who tells me things, and who lets me tell her
things. A friend whose happiness makes me smile and whose sorrows
make me ache.
We have shared our hopes together, and our weaknesses, and you got
to know my secret because I wanted you to - more than just about anyone.
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