There's a quote saying "Care too much, they'll hurt you" . I'm not a big fan of quotes but there are some of quote that related so much with me and its impossible to be ignorant toward something that really describing your feeling.
We're all human , with mistakes. And you should know what right position to yourself in this life. Someone out there are playing The Listener for all their life, Or a Shoulder To Cry On. Its your choice. Well Maybe for all this time, i've been playing the role as a Good Friend. Like the one who always be there when you need someone to talk to because your other friends don't care about you. or like the one who always gonna be there to gave the advice you really want to hear to make you feel more better, the one who's gonna hold your hands when you're in the lowest point of your life, the one who's gonna try to look strong for you, and the one who always puts your name into her prays. Yeah, i notice it always makes me feel good when i can help someone to stood up for their problems. And the Role that doesn't fit with me is like when they get back to their happy normal life, i'm suddenly become invisible. None. Gone. I'm the one that doesn't got invited to a party, i'm not that friends who's gonna raise your popularity, i'm not that friend you should brag about, because i have nothing but advice and words when you sad. I'm not fashionable, i'm a weirdo. You don't wanna hang out with weirdo, right?. So, i made a point that i'm not Playing The Good Friend, but The Secret Friend.
It's hurt. i have feelings to. And in some case, being invisible friends can really that bad. For example, if someone is ever talking to me and another person, they
will always give the other person way more eye contact and hardly look
at me at all. I don't know why. I am giving them eye contact &
trying to appear interested. And I often feel like people don't even
hear what I say. I have to wait until everyone is completely quiet for
them to recognize I'm even commenting (but it's not that I'm speaking
too quietly, it's just no one is paying attention to me). It hurts my
feelings because I am trying to be social, but for some reason, I am
just invisible.
I guess it has been said. People can easily detect nervousness or
shyness in others, and they must immediately default to the person that
has the best social skills. I'm not sure how we can get people's
attention back when our confidence is continually reduced because of
these scenarios.
Sometimes I think it's worse than being disliked, lonely or unloved.
Feeling INVISIBLE that is. Being alone in a world full of people. It's
like you are not even worthy of the emotions of others because somehow
or other you don't count. Sometimes I feel like I'm standing in the
middle of a highway waving my arms & yelling 'I'm standing right
here" I'm here too" "Hello do you see me?" while the cars systematically
drive around me like the median in the road.
I always keep it real when someone ask my opinion. Whether it's going to be hurt when you hear it or not. But i always said what's on my mind. But, still i'm the one who's suddenly become invisible when they're on the top of their life. Like i'm never even been on their life. Well thanks for that, i finally done playing my role. I don't wanna be those friends you always gives you the information you need about what happens in life, and then when you feel much better you can get rid off me. I'm not a bandage.
I'm assessing what friendships I should keep and ones to let go. I'm
tired of trying to fit in with them. I'm being myself and if they don't
like me for who I am then thats their loss. I did my best. I'm certainly not a doormat. Life is too short to worry about people like that. It seems what I'm doing isn't enough.
And what i really hate the most is when i finally decided to confronted it to their face, they always makes excuses and in a such big denial. And trying to make me feel ok by saying "You're the only one who knows me very well, you're the one who always listened to me, you're the only friend i love to talk to and blahblah.." To make me stay. Such an evil way to make me feel like shit
i'm told I don't open up or talk enough, but when I do, people don't listen
and if they do, they soon forget the heart to heart conversations.
Truth be known, most people talk about themselves or worse brag about themselves. Why do you think Facebook is so popular? Maybe, they don't feel comfortable enough with who they are and they need to take the edge off.
I
know it gets lonely at times. Most people are lonely, most won't admit
to it. Most people don't even know who they even are, they are too
consumed trying to be who they think others want them to be.
So, i just think to myself that i'm far too worthy a person to be
ignored by others and that maybe i deserve much better in company on my
life.
It is better to know yourself and love yourself.
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