Sunday, 28 June 2015

I know how it feels

When you woke up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep because a lot of things suddenly came out of nowhere in your mind, you started thinking about your life, your future, who you are, and even questioning about what you doing in your life. A lot of deep questions haunted you at night, i don't know why but somehow it helps you to figure out some solution when you have problem battling with yourself.

People come and go, some was born to stay in your life but they'll leave you too. sooner or later. The only thing that's gonna stay is only memories. Memories are strong and unforgettable, a single song can leads you back to those days where you laughing with your best friends on high school, or a windy days that makes you miss your Grandma so much it hurts until you cried, or those days when you go for vacation with your parents in a summer, and a smell of perfume that reminds you of your used-to-be Prince Charming. All of those people come and go for a reason, not just for a lesson to you, but a lot of memories to keep you going with your life and a snap to the reality that you are still there, stronger than before. 

Every fights that you've been through with your friends, your family, your significant other is always gonna be your power to encourage yourself to be better, it wasn't supposed to drown you but raising you up to see the higher level on your life. from those little fights with your friends, you realize that people are different souls that combined in a single flesh and they never fail to surprised you how you still need learn to care about other people feelings and mind. We are unique. We have opinions, and its amazing how those opinions becomes a way out to your problems if they got combined together. 

Maybe , that's life. thats just how we should live. To thinking, To Reminiscing, and To Learning. We all know how it feels to be like this, to be unsure, to feel lost and all of those pain is just a reminder that YOU ARE ALIVE.

Embrace it.


Ai
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Tuesday, 16 June 2015

Old Photos

photo via : tumblr
Tonight i look at my old photographs, nothing is change , except the people in it. I'm still amazed by the fact that all of those old pictures can brings back the moments that already changes into blurry nostalgic memories and how times is gone so fast that you dont even realize i'm finally here, the one who's holding this old pictures, reminiscing the moment and the people in it. What happen with them? I don't know, i guess people just simply changes. We all changed. Maybe the priority made them that way, or maybe they just forget things. 
Some of them are probably getting married, having a family or having a baby. And here i am again, feeling so proud to have them in my life, even for a while. 
I thought before, “we will be friends forever, no matter what. Nothing will ever come between us, we are committed to this friendship, we will go to college together, be in each other’s weddings, etc”. I swore to it all, but it doesn’t happen like this. People change, things change. Once high school is over and you burn bridges it is very difficult to repair old friendships. I’m not trying to scare you, but this is the reality. 

I finally found myself all alone at the end of the day, no more smiley faces that i saw on that photographs, all of my friends has disappeared and really i heard nothing from them since our last graduation. 

And i started thinking, "is it because of me? my temper? my depression?" they probably just fed up and gave up on me. I'm getting used to it, trust me.

it's just really hurt to see the old photo and to know that moment you've had is gone with the times.
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Saturday, 13 June 2015

Thoughts #2

All you gotta do is to know your circles , because friends could be your worst enemies when you turn your back

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Friday, 12 June 2015

Thoughts #1

because I can't fit with all those madness. Social madness.

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Monday, 8 June 2015

The Journey

No one ever say that this gonna be easy, they don't teach me at school about how to survive in life. I always know that I'm gonna be able to survive again this time, just like the old times. I'm ready to packed my bag again , go out with a lot of hopes and dreams to be fulfilled.
That's never been easy but I know i'm gonna make it.
All I need to do is to let go all of the things that has been prevent me from breathing, I won't stop , no chance to give up.
This journey that i'm on is just another risk I have to take.

The pain and struggles are gonna paid off, I believe there's always a way out through every  obstacles. It's okay to be scared, its always okay to be worried. As long as you know that you always blessed and somehow you gonna get back on your feet to reach your hopes once again.

Sometimes ,i can't even understand myself, the way my thoughts controlled my body is just confusing. I have done so many trick to help myself from this situation. It just never make me feel better.

I've walk for a thousands times on the same road, but this time I know I'm gonna find something different that will change my life forever. The truth is, I don't know where I'm going, I just keep walking and never look back, because looking back are gonna stop me from recoveries. don't wanna lose again this time.

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Sunday, 7 June 2015

Mom is life , Mom is love ❤

25 Years.
How can I be so selfish? she's the one who always supporting me since I was a kid. She never complaint about how stubborn I am. She always believe in me.
How can I compares?
She teach me how to be strong --not only in a hard times,but everyday.
She never told me about how she felt when I yelling at her--trying to make her understand my statement. I know it hurts. I'm sorry. But that was never really my intentions to break her heart. I'm just so mean sometimes, the demons inside me win somehow.
How can I be so cruel to her?
She always there for me, no matter how hard I try pretending to be "OK" she always be the first to sense there's something isn't right.
We fight , we burst into tears, we hide in silence, we laughs about silly things, we share a secret, we give advices to each others, we raise up against obstacles that brings us down. We are one.
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
No matter how loud I said that , it'll never enough to repay your kindness to me.
I love you ,mum.
There's no one else , but you. You're my only Mum, my amazing beautiful mother.
I'm so glad to have you as my mum.
I never proud of what I did ,but I'll learn from my mistakes. Cuz no matter what I did,I know you will always be the one who will be there holding my hands.

Thanks for everything mum, and I'm sorry.

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