I won't let you go

Lagi suka banget sama James Morrison, basically semua lagunya emang pada ngena di hati.

"You give me something" nya juga berhasil bikin melayang dan daydream.

Efek dari dengerin lagu dan musik yang catchy kadang bisa bikin senyum sendiri. Apalagi ada cerita di balik liriknya.

Its amazing how a song could tell you so much story.

Thats why i love music like sooooo much

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Bad environment

Agak bete ya kalau punya tetangga yang suka kepo dan banyak omong. Because basically , they will always find a way to tell something bad about you.

Kayak tetangga sebelah yang heboh banget ngurusin hidup orang, perasaan gak makan dan hidup sama dia deh! Ga ngerti maksud nya apa, tapi aku bener-bener pengen ngerobek mulut si monster disebelah itu!!

Huh

Mama pun sempat naik darah waktu aku di sindir gitu.. Beliau ngerasa gak di hargain banget.

Padahal nih, keluarga nya dia tuh yang pada ga jelas. Bukan nya mau nyebarin aib,Tapi Helloooo.. Lu ngaca dulu kali sebeum ngatain orang lain. Kayak anak nya udah pada bener aja semua..

Aku heran, tetangga disini sukaaaa banget istilahnya tuh "nyiumin" bau busuk orang lain, padahal dirumah mereka sendiri bau busuk nya udah nyebar kemana-mana

Mereka memang pada dasar nya ga punya otak atau emang ga ad kerjaan ya?

Pada ga tau diri nih kadang..

Ya sekarang sih aku udah mencoba terbiasa sama mulut bau busuk mereka yang bisa nya ngomong di belakang doang.. Pada pengecut sih, biasa kayak maling berani nya umpet2 an ngatain orang.

Sini dong di depan aku kalau mau ngatain, kan enak tinggal aku gergaji lu punya mulut..

Ahhh seandainya sabar itu berbatas..

Belum lagi tetangga yang satu nya, hobi kepo in masalah orang! Eh gatau anak nya sendiri gimana , duh duh nyebut bu..

Hahahha lucu ya lingkungan disini. Manusia nya kayak iblis semua.

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Build a wall

Just like any other day, i spend my time with my mum, my nieces and my boyfriend. There's no other perfect day compares to them.

I'm not that popular person who spend a lot of time outside hanging out together and buy some fancy stuff and then post it on Instagram. (Yes it was offenssive)

I have the rest of my life to find a friend but i'm afraid i don't have much time to spend with family members especially my mum

Everytime i saw her, i hold my tears because i know how hard it is to carry the weight on her shoulder. She never complain but i know she cries inside. I don't wanna left her alone.

I have to volunteer myself to taking care of my 9 and 10 years old niece because their mother are working outta town. It is exhausting but i feel happy whenever they're around.

I love playing with childrens. Maybe because they're always told me the truth , they making me laugh without even trying , and they live in the world i used to live. Maybe i just wanna have those similiar feeling again- as a kid who don't give a damn about the world.

I used to be a nanny for my little niece who lives next door. I taking care of her while she was a baby and now she's growing up being cute and smart like no other. I feel proud.

Living with my nieces is fun and i never get lonely. They're funny and annoying sometimes but at least they're not pretending to like me. They love me the way i am just like my boyfriend does.

So many people out there judging me based on twitter, instagram, and any other social media. I feel sorry for them.

How can they live a life by bugging others through computers and sent hate ? Isn't that make their life more pathethic? But if you think you know me from that, you never really know me not even close. It's just a social media. The media that i use when i feel bored and need a break. It's the other buildings. You can't see the real me unless you talk and chat personally in real life with me. I just wrote down random things and see how others reaction. Thats all you know but thank you for paying attention. Its flattered.

I'm not a fashionable person . So i'm sorry if the way i dressed doesn't impress you cuz i don't really give a shit about what you think of my outfit. I'm not a fashion model wannabe. I'm just me wearing whatever that feels comfort to me.

Thats why I'm not doing the "outfit of the day" shit.

I build a wall to all those social mainstream because i don't feel thats necessary to wasting time doing something useless. Maybe the only mainstream i like is One Direction :p

But seriously, i find it hard to be blinding on society.

I do have friends but i don't have that much friends. Not that i'm bragging but i appreciate what i have right now. Few friends at least they are the best.

I don't have A smart thoughts to discuss, my ideology isn't force people to think that whatever the fuck i'm thinking is always RIGHT! I also okay with any "equality" that happens. What can i say its a crazy world we lived in we can not judge them cuz they have a heart too.

And in plus i don't point out others mistake cuz i have my own. Whatever they want to be, lesbians, gay, extremist, atheist,bi, or even sinner. Its their own problem, its how they're responsibles to their life. I never judge because i know how its hard to carry others opinions.

I have some closest gay friends and i love hanging around them . Its better than be friends with the girls who always pretending

.

I don't know whats wrong with people , they even criticize me for having a long term relationship. Why is that bothering you?

I can take care of myself !! and call me old fashion but i keep myself until i get married. Its not what you guys think. Being in a 9 years old relationship doesn't mean we have no Love or something precious to keep. You don't know what we're going through so please keep your mouth shut wouldn't you?

I know god always have a plan for me, God always send me people that i need in life. Even sometimes i don't get what i want.

I'm not that proudish girl who bombed the media with her cute, romantic relationship. I have my own love stories. Me and my bf through so many obstacles together . From zero to hero. I'm talking about the REAL-ationship here not relationship with bling bling or any puppy monkey love. We struggling so much to keep this relationship. So people who don't know whats going on,go fuck yourself!

I'm tired of peole sending hate just to prove themselves that they have in mind is better! You don't know whats in my life, what i've been through! Mid your own sinner and business. By point out my mistakes doesn't make you straight to heaven! People have their own flaws , let them find out how to working it all to be right!

This is why i hate being interact with people! They make a short opinion. And suddenly you'll be the one who sits on the chair to be the wrong one.

So i guess its the right decisions to keep this building up to keep me from pain and hates.

Let me live my life and let me learned from my own mistakes..

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OH!

I was so shocked to know that my "Katy Perry" isn't a girl. She's a BOY! 

Pertama sih emang nyangka nya dia cewek, menurut penelitian mama, setelah di tela'ah dan di bolak balik itu badan si Katy, katanya positif banget kalau dia mah cewek! Aku sih percaya aja secara ga pengalaman nge cek jenis kelamin kucing.

Sampai pada suatu Sore, ada mbOjek (sebutan kami untuk Ibu ojek yang suka antar jemput ponakan dirumah) nyeletuk " Hah? kok di panggil Katy? itu cowok kaleeee . liatin deh *tiiiit (maaf sensor) nya.."

Mama yang udah sebelumnya yakin sama hasil penelitian nya pun jadi agak galau sore itu, dan bergegas mengangkat badan Katy , dan setelah diperhatikan, diterawang dengan secara seksama.. Jeng jeng jeng, Kami selama ini telah salah sangka, Katy adalah Laki-laki. hahah ga kebayang selama ini gimana gondok nya tuh si katy yang cowo di panggil "Katy" dan di sangka cewek. Pantes aja kalau di panggil katy , gak jarang nih aku di cuekin sama dia. Mungkin dia udah berontak dari lama cuma yang merawat dia emang ga tau diri dan terus aja manggil dia "Katy" haha. 

So we changed the name into "Kenshi" i thought he might like it because everytime i yelled " Kenshiiiiiii" he finally turn his back and answers with "Meooooww" and i don't know why i decided to give him an Asian name, he likes sushi, i guess thats make him Asian :p 

So Sorry for mistaken your gender this whole time, Katy.. i mean.. Kenshi :p

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I loved you all the way

All this time we've been together
Everyday a new adventure
Times, enough to last forever and a day
Our love was sometimes all we had
Through good times and through bad
I loved you all the way

All our days weren't bright and sunny
There are times we have no money
You could always find some funny things to say
And looking back on where we've been
I'd do it all again
I loved you all the way

I loved you all the way
Every night, every night, every day

Times I thought I couldn't take it
Wondering' if we'd ever make it
You could hold me close and make it go away
And though I've said it all before
I never meant it more
I loved you all the way

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Katy Perry

Ok ini bukan postingan tentang penyanyi seksi dengan suara emas si Katy perry tapi itu adalah nama dari kucing nemu yang sekarang jadi penghuni rumah paling sensasional

Si Katy ga satu hari tinggal full di dalam rumah, jd dia kalau malam di keluarin dari rumah karena pernah poop di keset kamar kamar mandi. Dan jam 6 teng Katy selalu dengan setia bangunin orang rumah, gimana enggak.. Wong dia mengeong udah kayak kucing di ajak berantem minta dibukain pintu.

Dia makan layaknya seperti kucing pada umumnya, awalnya cuma ikan direbus dicampur nasi, eh iseng nih si kanjeng mami ngasih whiskas. Walhasil sekarang Katy udah bisa naik sedikit derajatnya di bandingkan kucing jalanan pada umumnya.

Si katy ini kalau kata aku sih termasuk kucing yang lupa daratan. Dia ternyata punya keluarga. Ada mama dan adiknya yang biasa kami panggil Molly. Awalnya sih, dia kadang ngajak keluarga kecil nya makan juga dirumah, eh lama-lama kok makin jarang ngajak dan dia sekarang udah kayak penghuni dirumah sini. Sedangkan waktu itu si Molly dan mama nya sempat mengais-ngais sampah pak RT buat sejumput makanan. Sungguh Katy kucing durhaka!!!

Katy bukan kucing pemburu yang bisa memburu tikus atau jenis2 serangga menjijikan (baca : kecoa) pernah waktu itu ada tikus dirumah dan si Katy ngeliat ada tikus bukan nya di terkam malah ikut lari juga sembunyi. Otomatis hal tersebut membuat martabat Katy sebagai kucing...totally FAILED! -_-

Katy benci keju, karena pernah mules-mules abis makan keju cheddar. Dia juga benci segala macam bau parfum. Pasti bersin-bersin..

Katy suka bobo sama mama.

Kalau diajak tidur dikamarku pasti bawaan nya gelisah.

Katy suka sama acara di Nickelodeon, setiap kali nonton tv selalu paling depan duduknya kalau acara Dora atau Spongebob

Katy itu kalau bahasa banjar nya bisa dibilang "pujungan" kalau sama orang baru. Suka sok imut dan sok masang tampang baby face gitu kayak cherrybelle

Katy benci banjir dan hujan

Katy suka musik Katy perry, makanya aku kasih nama sama. Soalnya kl denger lagu katy perry dia langsung diam seolah menecerna lagu nya

Yah berhubung ini postingan katy yang minta di publikasikan, jadi segitu dulu deh, secara dia juga orang nya malu-malu gitu takut banyak yang stalker ntar katanya

Dan ini berikut foto si Katy

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Room tour

Not so tidy but i spend most of my time on this room

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CLBK dan BLOG

Hey yaa

Bosen rasanya kalau ngeliat blog sendiri, semacam disuasana kuburan, sunyi. Selain memang aku males masukin gadget, aku juga ga mau terlalu ribet ngurusin HTML nya, dulu sering punya blog cuma karena ngotak atik CSS dan HTML nya jadi ketagihan dan akhirnya gak pokus (pake "P") mau nulis di blog nya. eheheh my bad..

Hari ini aku sibuk banget pemirsaaaah (sambil mendesah*) soalnya keponakan yang masih SD tinggal dirumah dan Hari Jum'at adalah hari tersibuk mereka karena harus 2 kali bolak balik sekolah untuk latihan Marching Band. Alhasil, aku yang jadi repot ngurusin segala sesuatu nya mulai dari Baju, Tas, sepatu, peralatan dan belum lagi di tambah masakin makanan mereka. Udah berasa Inem banget deh hari ini.

Akhirnya baru lah melanjutkan hobi ku yang tertunda yaitu nge-blog. sebelumnya aku selingkuh sama twitter, suka curhat di twitter daripada di blog, dan akhirnya blog ku pun terlupakan, bahkan sempat pula melupakan twitter dan blog karena ada nya si Tumblr. Oh Ai, make up your mind!! haha finally, aku putuskan untuk mengoptimalkan blog lagi. yah, bisa di bilang CLBK an gitu ama si blog.

so yeah, here's my blog. the real me. official me. Welcome :)

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Boyband

What happen to 90's boyband? I missed the day where i could turn the music loud and sings a good melody and inspiring lyrics. Ha and westlife is one of my favourite of All time. They're legend!!

I've been criticized and judged so much because i'm falling so hard to a british-irish band ONE DIRECTION. I mean come on!! I never ever ever ever falling this hard to a band if they're not sounds good. I mean real good because they come as an individual singer in a competition and got put together as a group which i think its really brilliant. You see, they got a REAL talent! Not just some auto-tune voice or nice body to dance with a lot of make up..

I never compare them to a legend like N'sync , Blue , Westlife or BSB. What they have in common is "The lyrics"

A great song must be has a good lyrics. Not just talking about how many party they got in, drugs, sex and money. Both of them Have a very deep lyrics. Talking about life, love, it really about feeling!

And what happen with the people who keep calling a boyband who well-dressed with Gay???? What is wrong with you? Are you homophobic? Do you sing as nice as one direction? How many records do you sold? How many pussy do u get? If the answer is none, then Shut the fuck up.. And go fuck yourself. Just simple as that

What happen ?

I love One direction, they could be mainstream now but its not a bad thing.

And being a directioner is not childish, you should listen to them often instead

And thank you so much for judging me, it's not even your business who i'm crazy about.

If you Anti-mainstream then good. Keep being yourself but don't bother mine. I heard what i like to hear, i fall into lyrics first and then the music and the last is who sings it. Idc how cool is your rock band but if i don't attracted to the lyrics then i'm sorry

Fyi, i used to hear "The corrs" a lot on the Radio and i fall in love with all the songs and lyrics. I think they're amazing!

I don't know about you but i kinda knows all the oldies from 90's . Because all the songs on my era is contains a lot of emotions and love.

Everyone has their own favourite boyband. Wether is Korean pop, British , american or any old songs. Don't judge people by their taste of music. (Well unless if you a fan of kangen band) hahaha just... Kidding :p

#respect

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What we need..

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Struggle from pain

The pain that i feel always keep me awake at night.

Anxiety disorders yang selalu datang di saat badanku sudah lelah dan ingin istirahat di malam hari.

Everything just dissapear when it comes and hit me at night all the left is fear, anxious, cold body and i keep sweating

Kindly remember that i ate too much medicine this year so NO! I'm not gonna be ok with any drugs

All i need is therapist. Not a stranger but someone i already knew like my mom, friends , lover and God.

Pernah beberapa kali hampir kehilangan nafas karena penyakit yang satu ini. Sering menggigil dan sesak nafas. Bingung cara nyembuhin nya gimana. Aku gak terlalu berani nyoba obat kampung , dan terlalu lelah dengan pengobatan medis.

Aku gak seharusnya berpikir terlalu banyak, pasti si anxiety datang mengganggu! Aarrghhh

Thats why one of therapist suggest me to write or do anything with any social media to reduce the stress and pressure. But twitter wont help me that well lately. It making me more depressed instead.

So whoever knows me well must be know that i sometimes talking too much, don't avoid me! I just can't control this anxiety sometimes, and i'm way too sensitive. Everyone near me seems like they're depressed too sometimes. Well, i'm sorry ... That's not my intention to do anything that i've done.

Susah banget buat coba tidur di malam hari, semua pikiran-pikiran datang dan membuatku cemas kemudian sulit bernafas. Keringat dingin dan paranoid berlebihan, mama kadang sampai bingung kalau aku lagi kambuh .

Kecemasan berlebihan ku sudah tidak manusiawi.

I'm rude

Some whom never close with me would be agree with that.

But it's not because i do it because i want it.. I just don't know how to interact with some strangers and a new person

I can't deal with any crowds. Apalagi liat orang demo besar-besar an. Jantung rasanya mau copot dan oksigen di sekitar mendadak ilang. Pernah tiap ke mall kalau gak bareng si pacar tercinta, pasti selalu gelisah dan awkward. Cuz i mostly don't know the people around me and it's too crowded.

Pkonya harus ada 1 orang yang bener-bener bisa mengalihkan aku dari kerumunan manusia di mall . Fiuuuhh susah memang berteman dengan penderita anxiety disorder sepertiku.

Sekali bisa temenan, cuma bisa klop sama satu orang doang

Dan terlalu percaya sama siapapun, sampe kadang ga bisa membedakan yang mana yang beneran temen.

Kadang malas bikin joke, karena pasti garing banget jadinya.

Alhamdulillah sekarang udah mulai bisa interaksi sedikit-sedikit sama orang yang bahkan belum dikenal sekalipun.

I wish i could be like a normal-average people :'(

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Scared too much

I've been asking myself lately "what the hell is wrong with me?" I live in a fear
Fear of failure, fear of regret, fear of betrayal , fear of being left out, fear of the future and fear of everything

I asked God to remove all of the fear that been haunted me lately
I even scared to think too much
I called God's name, to save me from being too afraid of anything

I just wanna have nice sleep at night
Being what i used to be
I used to be so brave and happy
What happen to me recently is unexplainable

Being anxious too much is my nature habbit but i never this scared about simple things
I guess i'm just that weird

Kemudian kembali aku tanyakan pada diriku sendiri, "kamu takut apa sih?apa yang bikin kamu takut?" Then i look in the mirror suddenly realise kalau sebenarnya , pengalaman buruk yang selama ini membuat kecemasan aku berlebihan.

Takut dengan pikiran ku sendiri, the scenario inside my head is being a little bit too much and too far

I know i shouldn't be afraid. I should stand up for myself no matter what
To be like i used to be. :)

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What if you were me

Errgghh

By the sound of that you know that i'm so upset, and some might think i'm depressed and angry. Well whatever

Inget pertama kali dlu waktu kamu "belum" seperti sekarang. Rasanya aku senang bukan main punya teman baru yang cerita hidupnya , susah senang nya hampir sama seperti aku

Punya teman satu pikiran itu biasa tapi kalau punya teman senasib itu jarang

Dan disaat aku rasa sudah bisa move on untuk membuka hati kepada para sahabat-sahabat baru, disaat itu juga aku dikecewakan. Mungkin bukan hal besar tapi cukup mengecewakan sehingga kembali membuatku percaya bahwa "nobody can trust anymore"

Tuhan pasti punya rencana kenapa kita dipertemukan seperti ini. Dan kenapa berakhir seperti ini. Odd number wouldn't make last.. Sulit memang memahami makna nya tapi aku bersyukur diperlihatkan keadaan yang sebenarnya

I laugh at myself. Why wouldn't she make an effort to fix everything?

Of course not

Tidak ada manusia yang ingin dihakimi dan dijadikan tersangka. But, idk it hurts ya know.. Tau gak kamu?

It's not the first time i've been betrayed by a friend. It's a billion times. But the last time it caused me a deep pain. Unexpected "little" things that she does is forgivable but not forgetable

I see she doing fine with some friends which is good. I wonder , does she even remember the hard time , the first time , the every little moment that we shared some knowledge about art or anything we could share together?

Why she could act like it really doesn't bother me?

I should stop thinking about this betrayed things but somehow i just can't. It hurts too much

Well dear friend

I hope you doing fine. And may the good things always happen to , U :)

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