For me, once depression hits... it's just a never ending, vicious cycle. I hate to feel this way. A sunny day doesn't cheer me up anymore. Things that made me happy before, don't really do it for me now. I'm always tired. Stressed beyond measure. I'm always anxious. Constantly overthinking. My negative thoughts always provoke depression, and like I said -- it's a downward spiral from there. I just start thinking of all the mistakes I've made, or feel stupid for trusting people. I build walls that are pretty impossible to break through. I'm torn between wanting to feel closeness to other people/friends, but at the same time I want to protect myself from being hurt again. I'm a mess, full of self doubt. I hate depression. It changes me into a person that I don't even know anymore. In the deepest depths of it, I've had scary suicidal thoughts. I tried therapy, but maybe it wasn't a good fit. I'm just hoping I can pull through and be more resilient finally.Every day is a battle to feel any kind of worth, at best you can be hyper for a few hours, at worst it feels like no one would even notice you if you were gone. I cry all the time for no apparent reason. I am just sitting in a void of nothingness and I see no chance of it getting better. I can't say I have highs and lows because all it seems is low and lower.It's bloody hell. Literally. It hurts, and yet is nothing. The little scraps of feeling you do get never last. You stay up late, wondering about everything, and lose everything you were before. People tell you it's just a phase. They're lying. They'll say it gets better. I have no idea.
Tuesday, 10 December 2013
Freaking out! (Part II)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Follow The Author
No comments:
Post a Comment
Say something :) x