Dear July
I can't believe it's the last day of you on this year. I feel useless because i only wrote you 3 letters. I don't wanna start blaming my activity and how busy i am lately. You just too special to me, July. The surprises that you gave to me this year is unbelievable. You cut away my depression and anxiety , you bring back all of my long lost friend, you fix my broken hearted , you blowing the good air and perfect warm beeze to my morning until evening, you make me happy again , and you taught me to be strong again.
That's why i'm a little sad, July.
I can't predict August, it seems pretty plain and boring unlike you. I'm just afraid that August gonna drown me and then i'll be depressed again. I'm afraid that August will ignore me.
Maybe its just me and my fear that gonna left in August. Not trying to sound cliche but i love this quote.
"Sure, I fear oblivion. But, I mean, not to sound like my parents, but I believe humans have souls, and I believe in the conservation of souls. The oblivion I fear is something else, fear that I won’t be able to give anything in exchange for my life. If you don’t live a life in service of a greater good, you’ve gotta at least die a death in service of a greater good, you know? And I fear that I won’t get either a life or a death that means anything" - Augustus Waters
I was having a nightmares the other day that i'm not gonna make it until December, and trust me it scares the hell out of me. I am terrified enough to know if i'm gonna die, no one would really remember me as ME again. They just see me as a dead body without soul. And how Augustus Waters explained about his fear of oblivion, is just describe what i feel inside as well. This sacred thoughts of dead is making me crazy. And the thought of Oblivion itself just really works even before i'm dead. I see people come and go in my life, some
are being good by coming back , and some are just lost and forget about me like a strangers on the street.
When you're done with the world, you're just forgotten. That's fucked up. Who's gonna keep praying for me, who's gonna pray for my sins, and i never done something good to make myself to be remember in this world. I don't wanna be a Hero, I just wanna be that one person that people always remember.
aren't we humans somehow know within us that we were not meant to be forgotten. We know that we were made for something bigger? And i did nothing except regrets the mistakes i've made.
Maybe i don't want the world to know me, July. I already surround by people i love. And i know they won't forget about me.
and then i saw this :
The fear of oblivion can only be present when you know you will be forgotten. If you are assured that you will be remembered, the fear will not exist. In my case, I do not fear it. In this world, my fame might not spread and I don’t need it to because everything in this world will fade away. In other words, everything this world holds is subject to oblivion. What I’m concerned about is if the eternal being – God, will remember me. If God remembers me then I am satisfied and my fear of being forgotten has been buried.
I know God remembers me the moment He created me. Problem is, HOW will He remember me? I want to be remembered as a warrior – someone who fought for what my God is. Someone who was fierce in His trust and relationship with his Lord. Someone who was dangerous in his belief that no one who opposes him will remain clueless about what has happened. I want to be remembered by my God. I do not fear oblivion. I hope and pray that you will want that eternity with me.
How will God remember me? I came to conclusion that being remember by God as a good Human is good enough than being remember as a good human to humans but still wrong in front of God. I don't know about this, but i know all of our stories has been written, July. How we came into this world, and how we gonna leave this world, everything. Its written perfectly neat by the Hand of God. We should have no doubt and fear about that.
So July, I guess i'll see you again next year, i'm gonna keep the stories of us in my heart. Do not fear Oblivion, July. You have me and 7 billions people in this world to keep you in their mind. And I thank you for coming surprisingly good this year. I will remember you , and please don't forget me, July.
See you again
Ai
(Thanks to Emily Diana Ruth for this beautiful project)
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