In a life of A.I

By: A.i on Friday, April 12, 2013

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Yeah i've been such a gloomy person lately, i know. but everyone has their own gloomy day.

There are so much thing happen lately, and i've been on my worst situation where i thought i couldn't make it through a day. But, i find the right solution to get me in a right track of my life again. I mean, sort out all the dark times, throw away some bad shit and now i'm back in an (almost) happiest time of my life.

but why "almost" ?

Because i somehow still can't managed myself to do think positive, i sometimes need a mood boster too. Surprise to know that i now don't have any friends to lose. Because they're all gone and left me out again. Sad but true.But also there's a part of me that containes a lot of urge to feel happy again, being free and not to care with everyone's think about me.

And now i have to deal with myself with how to go through day without my Anti Social Personalities disorders back again. And this is making me depressed :(

And i lost in my mind lately that i sometimes being confused like "Why am i even here?" "What's my future would be like" or... "How am i gonna end up" Yeah that shit is scared me. But its okay being afraid of something. Here i am again, trying as brave as i can to manage my feeling into a good mood so i can make everyone around me be happy or smile or just...having a good time being around me, believe me its hard to raise my mood recently. Because i have trust issues that my friend left me without me knowing whats my fault. She deleting me on her contact, she cut the BFF bonds and now i finally realize that this should be one of the reason why i always afraid of having a friend. i don't wanna go back in a thoughts that "ME IS EVERYONE PROBLEMS" i don't wanna cut myself again, i'm so over it.

When i look back again, i was so ashamed. And now i just wanna be happy again. Happy and not afraid. I don't need another scars in my heart, i just need to be happy. I wish i could be positive in every step i take. I'm gonna learn how to be brave again, and i know at the end, everything will be ok. I Promise to myself.