Well, its 4.30 in the morning. I just being woke up by a scary nightmare and now i can't go back to sleep and i have a headache.
Sometimes its so hard being me because i have to deal with a lot of Disorders. I never wish to be someone else but i wish i was NORMAL, like the rest of human being in this Lovely Earth.
And this is one of the night that i've been afraid of. Having a sudden Panic attack because i get terrified by my dreams of night recently. Even a little thing could be bother me so much. And i don't wanna took any medicine again because it doesn't help me at all. I'm so afraid and my thoughts at most of the night is the reason why i have such a nightmares. I'm afraid i'm gonna die by this disorders.
I don't have enough time to confess everything to God. Now i only have God cuz i've got no friends to lose literally. To Him i trust. That One day, He'll bring the Joy and Happiness through all of this sadness.
I want to be helpful..
But then the Panic attack happens. I kniw it shouldn't stop me for help people but somehow i can't manage myself to getrid out of it. It always happen and stop me from doing what i do.
Throwing back those days where i daydream to be an English teacher for the Poor Kids. But a stupid competition has ruined it and i didn't get the place i want in college. And thats why i quitted college on 2010 and continued studies about Administration for a year in a small college, at least thats why i'm best at. I graduated a year after and i still want to be a teacher.
There are so many things i still want to be achieved. I can't blame everything to my disorders. Sometimes we can't get what we wants and i know it happens for a reason.
I wanna forget the past, how i failed to pursue one dreams. I still have a thousand dreams. And i'm gonna focused on the other dreams i have right now.
And i always thought that i'm not gonna give a damn to what society wants but its not working that way. Well not that easy..
"You have to get a Degree"
"You failed and it gonna happen again"
"You're nothing"
"Nobody likes you"
"You're pathethic human being with a lot of drama in your life"
"Attention whore"
"You're worthless"
"Less than nothing"
"You're going to hell because you're wrong"
"I feel sorry for you"
"You're going to die alone"
"No one would proud of you"
"You're always wrong about anything"
"Stop breathing please"
"Bitch"
"Slut"
"Whore"
"Go kill yourself, Emo"
"Stop being such a drama queen"
"Eww you're ugly"
"Nobody wants to be your friend"
"You'll be forever alone"
"You're not educated enough to be good enough"
"You are trash"
And etc.....
Thats what society thoughts about me.
So if i'm trying to be ignorant, would they stop saying "things" about me?
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