I remember the first time i'm having a panic attack, i assumed myself that i'm having a heart attack or something wrong with my heart, so i went to see the Cardiologist and they say i'm fine, and my heart is works perfectly fine. And that time i was sure i'm having a panic attack because it keeps happen on the midnight. I took so many medicine.
But it can't just being healed by medicine, it still happen as i growing up.
I vividly remember once panic attack experience at the mall with my parents when all of a sudden I felt such fear and panic and it felt like
everyone around me was blurring up and time was speeding up, my heart
was racing and swallowing became difficult. It was insane! I ran out of
the store and had to go outside until I calmed down. My Parents had no
idea what was wrong with me! I felt terrible.
I went to the doctor again and he prescribed me xanax and paxil. I got home
and researched these drugs online and
was terrified after reading so many awful stories of people who wish
they never started taking them because they’re addicted and they feel
like zombies!! i decided I wasn’t going to take
them. I started seeing a therapist but after 4 sessions I stopped going
because she wasn’t helping me at all. Each session was basically this: She told me to lay down and make myself comfortable,
talked for an hour to myself while she wrote down notes, then she would
walk me through visualizations and breathing exercises and then she told
me I should consider taking xanax!
What the fuck man I told her I wasn’t going to take them! So yeah waste
of my parents money. Everything she told me I already read in an anxiety books.
So a couple of nights i start felling anxious again, and my mum told me to take a deep breath and istighfar. It works. I stop being Panic. But after a short sleep , i'm wide awake and it happened again. I was so sure that this Panic Attack are going to take out my life, i'm going crazy like You're fine one minute, and the next minute you're freaking out, it hits you so hard, No one understands how hard it is to overcome anxiety without
medications. Anxiety is such a terrible disorder because its basically
your own mind sabotaging your life! That’s how I felt, I hated myself
for not being able to go out and live normally. The panic attack comes whenever it wants to come, and there's no reason why it appears,I can't turn it off and on with a switch. People think you're nuts, but I'm not crazy.
I had been in a state of panic and anxiety for every single day for a year. I was frustrated and had no idea what was wrong.I was afraid to go anywhere because I was afraid I'd get a panic attack.
Or when it come to midnight-attack, i always feel like i'm gonna died instantly because of Panic attack. I'm terrified.
And in a daylight, I realised all my anxiety was related to public performance and how well
I came across to a stranger or even someone I knew. Hence the anxiety
on the road, waiting in a queue, walking in a room full of people and so
on. I have this thought in my head that I’m not fully with it and I
might collapse. This is the root of my problem and its difficult to get
it out of my head.
Back to 2008 the feelings started when i moved to University. They weren't that bad i
would just have anxiety that made me feel i was dizzy with my
surroundings. I guess it was the new environment i was in. Why can't i be Normal?
And I hate the fact that Twice this week my heart began racing out of control, like I was afraid
of something but I don't know what. Along with that I had a sinking
feeling. Kind of a very unworldly, lonely feeling. I was really
concerned that I might be going crazy.
I just can't get rid off it, the thoughts about being anxious always keeping me wide awake at night.
And that's what happen to me recently, I just don't know how to spill out the feeling of anxious, so i hope writing this are gonna help me through it.
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