Personal space, Anxiety and Being Introvert (Part 1)

By: A.i on Monday, July 29, 2013

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Yes

I need my personal space.

I don't like when it's invaded.  I hate when people come into my room, or even stand in certain sections of it.  It irritates the hell out of me, and at times I'll even tell them to move "You can't stand in that area.  It's mine.  Get out."  I'll usually only be that blunt with my Nieces, as their usually the only ones who are bold enough to so blatantly invade it.  

I also hate when people are in my bed, especially when I'm not.  I don't want anyone in there.  It feels invasive.

And my computer.  I hate it when anyone is on it, unless they're using the guest account. Or when someone's in the room with me, and I feel like they're looking over at what I'm doing.  Or when someone uses it when I'm not home, and I hadn't logged off.  That's the worst, because I could have left something on there that they could see.  I don't want them to know what I do on here, even if it isn't anything they'd consider "bad."  It's personal, and I don't want other people involved.  

It drives me nuts when people come into my "personal space" who aren't invited in. Some people are allowed to cross the "barrier" but about 99% of people I want out and at a distance. It just makes me so incredibly uncomfortable. I hate it. I want them away from me even if it means that I have to get up and move away from them. 

I have this odd inability where if I'm trying to do something around people I feel much more stressed and feel an intense desire to leave or wish they would go away. I feel like i'm too aware of other people.

I have always been a "private" type person.  I need my own space.

I'm an introvert with a lot of disorders, like Social Introvert....someone who likes to socialize with 1 or 2 people at a time and for only a couple of hours then back to the peaceful comfort of home--THAT'S ME!

It all makes sense now. I've never considered myself shy BUT I've never enjoyed large gatherings of people, weddings, birthday parties etc. The moment I show up to an event, I'm already planning my escape.
Don't you love your extrovert friends who are convinced that if you got out more, you would have more fun! When I was younger, I thought there must be something wrong with me....so I forced myself to go to different events. Maybe over time I would learn to love it! NOT. I no longer force myself to go to events.I can have my personal space , and yes its killing me being around with all of those people.Everything i do are always related to my Anxiety.

Personal Space is one thing, but Anxiety is another. I will always find a way to coped with my anxiety, but when someone invades my personal space, it feels so annoying and i sometimes wanna punch them in the face.

I was writing this around my nieces, what i hate about them is that they always be the one who breaking in my personal space, the elder one keep staring at my computer screen , they always been so nosy all this time. Or sometimes when i talk with my friends on Skype, they always-somehow came up and keep looking at the screen. And i considered it as a brutal rudeness. These kids needs someone who told them about what they did is wrong. i don't wanna be the one, they interrupting me enough this whole times, its their parents job! 

fuck off!

Well, most of the times I tend to keep quiet and observe, however at others where I can relate knowledgeable thoughts or passions such as of the news around the world, or history of some sort, meaning different more exciting behavior, however only when I am the one that starts the conversation, thus without demanding it from me in the first place.

Do I socialize? I have tried to however that means I am not who I am, it simply was not working out, when I was asked to gather with other people somewhere in the middle of the week, even when I was available and free to do so, but it is not because of shyness, I was though a couple of years ago, like most of the people at that age, but now I just do not like to spend time with unwanted company. And developing the next point I have only worthy companions as a total of 2, (yes it may be sad that I am able to count them on the palm of my hand) yet that does not mean that I do not interact.

I always find myself nervous going to any other shop because it means for me an interaction which will result in a nonsense conversation about sale, or as they say 'anything else?'. Which just makes the process complicated, and possibly my life to a certain extent, but I tend to ignore it, because that is who I am.

I have read many articles on Introverts and Extroverts first of all to see whether it is who I am, and it is who I am. Even I perceive myself as different due to being different to those of my age, yet I do not belong to, you know, a cult or religion or, what's the word, ah subculture, I am just simply an Introvert.

at the end of the day we still are who we are; socially unacceptable, as some people including my parents think that now the world is getting worse since nobody talks to no one anymore and since the era of cell phones came about its being ever worse, yet that people do not see each other face to face. But my explanation is even more simple than theirs, I think that people get to know themselves better than they used to, for example when there was no internet, meaning knowing that one's an Introvert.

Do I think of myself as an Introvert, and am I happy with that? - Yes I do, and for now I am neutral, sometimes it helps, yet sometimes it hinders, that is what I think of it.

Being introverted at a young age was very hard for me because I always felt different or more mature than my peers, trying to fit in didn't help either, it just stressed the fact even more. As I grew older and spent more time with myself I realized there's absolutely nothing wrong with me and I stopped trying to fit in. I was actually more satisfied with myself than I ever was. Now I have a really good friend whom I don't think I would have met if I was still trying to be mainstream. To others I seem mysterious, boring even mean just because I don't like to hang around the huge loud crowds or try to impress others, but why would I need to if I'm happy with who I am already? I guess only an introvert would understand:)