Anxiety is something we all experience from time to time. Most of us
would recognise feelings of tension, uncertainty, worry or fear. But if
you experience anxiety symptoms at higher levels than usual, or they
stay at high levels for long periods, this can be very uncomfortable and
interfere with everyday life.Anxiety, fear and obsessive thoughts have always plagued me for as long
as I can remember. How it has affected my life was avoiding everyone
and everything possible. What if somebody knew what went through my
head or if I stuck around long enough could they tell that this poor little lady was terrified with fear inside?
and what making me more insane is my new job.After a day's work, I would be exhausted not by the actual work but
from being lost in my thoughts. The higher my anxiety got, the more
obsessions I would have. It was a vicious circle. i was having a very productive day yesterday, and All of a sudden it hit me the muscle tension, the dry mouth,
sweating, the rapid heart beat, my breathing became labored, the
feeling of unreality and the ground felt like it wasn't there. I
thought I was having a heart attack.
For the rest of the day I couldn't get that feeling out of my
head,what was that I had just had? Then I got another one. I guess it
lasted 15 to 30 seconds, but it felt like a lot longer than that at the
time. Was I going to die? Was I going crazy?
Merely talking to other people makes me anxious. I often experience
"phone fear." I avoid social gatherings (particularly parties), which I
find excruciating. Crowded settings, especially without a perceptible
escape route, cause me uneasiness, sometimes panic.
Anxiety-producing scrutiny affects me physically. My heart sledgehammers. My voice shakes. My hands tremble. and its SUCKS!
And now i had to be careful who I would open up to about any thoughts or
feelings I had as they weren't viewed as normal and usually led people
to become concerned about me. And so they should have been really.Mental
health problems can often seem as though they are under control and not
a big deal, I know that I would regularly want to tell people how I
felt, but wouldn't out of fear of them rejecting me or, worse, worrying
about me.
There is still a part of me that is concerned that people may worry about me and that is probably be the biggest reason why I am not always truly honest with them about how I am feeling. Time and again friends and family members will express their concerns to me and I will brush them off. Telling them that I am fine, I'm ok.
So many times I have put my depression into a little box while at work and claimed that I was tired or ill. Partly out of fear, I don't want my colleagues to think less of me, but also partly because I don't feel as though I deserve their concern.a.
I didn't really know how to cope with all of the terrible things I was feeling and would reach out for help and then instantly snatch my outstretched hand back out of terror that someone might just care enough to help me.
The years went by and I lost many friends. It was never through their lack of trying or understanding. The only person who stood by me through everything, the ups and downs, the sidesteps and the rejections, is my Boyfriend. He saw through my attempts to push him away and it only drew him closer. I still get depressed to this day, I still suffer with my anxiety and disordered thoughts will still creep into my mind from time to time. I've still not really learnt how to let people in and to care about me, I will still keep people at an arms’ length. In my head I am protecting them. Figuring my way through the battleground of depression and anxiety was hard enough by myself, I have always wished that I could be open and honest with those around me - if only to take the burden off myself for a while. It would be nice to be able to accept myself for who I am, mental health problems and all, the way I've accepted many of my friends.
It's completely normal to worry when things get hectic and complicated. But if worries become overwhelming, you may feel that they're running your life. If you spend an excessive amount of time feeling worried or nervous, or you have difficulty sleeping because of your anxiety, pay attention to your thoughts and feelings. They may be symptoms of an anxiety problem or disorder. Don't make fun of my mental health, its not easy to accept this fact but i have to.
I walked around with a weight on my chest that never went away. It was difficult for me to come to terms with the changes that had taken place in me over a matter of months. I was losing friends because of my behaviour, and all I wanted, more than anything else, was to go back to being my happy, cheerful self. I wanted to genuinely smile and laugh until my stomach hurt.
If it were a choice, why would anyone choose anything but happiness? The implication was clearly if you’re sad you choose to be so for attention or self-pity or out of laziness. If anything, being depressed made me want to isolate myself from everyone. Attention was possibly the last thing I wanted.
I realise now that anger was not the right emotion. I now know how difficult it is for someone who doesn’t have a mental health illness to understand just how debilitating it can be. I’ve experienced a lot of misunderstanding from some of the people closest to me. After having an anxiety disorder for six years, I’ve started to distance myself from this, though, and realise it’s difficult for others to understand. I’m grateful for the help and support I’ve received from loved ones but sometimes the help that means the most is the help that comes from unexpected places.
There is still a part of me that is concerned that people may worry about me and that is probably be the biggest reason why I am not always truly honest with them about how I am feeling. Time and again friends and family members will express their concerns to me and I will brush them off. Telling them that I am fine, I'm ok.
So many times I have put my depression into a little box while at work and claimed that I was tired or ill. Partly out of fear, I don't want my colleagues to think less of me, but also partly because I don't feel as though I deserve their concern.a.
I didn't really know how to cope with all of the terrible things I was feeling and would reach out for help and then instantly snatch my outstretched hand back out of terror that someone might just care enough to help me.
The years went by and I lost many friends. It was never through their lack of trying or understanding. The only person who stood by me through everything, the ups and downs, the sidesteps and the rejections, is my Boyfriend. He saw through my attempts to push him away and it only drew him closer. I still get depressed to this day, I still suffer with my anxiety and disordered thoughts will still creep into my mind from time to time. I've still not really learnt how to let people in and to care about me, I will still keep people at an arms’ length. In my head I am protecting them. Figuring my way through the battleground of depression and anxiety was hard enough by myself, I have always wished that I could be open and honest with those around me - if only to take the burden off myself for a while. It would be nice to be able to accept myself for who I am, mental health problems and all, the way I've accepted many of my friends.
It's completely normal to worry when things get hectic and complicated. But if worries become overwhelming, you may feel that they're running your life. If you spend an excessive amount of time feeling worried or nervous, or you have difficulty sleeping because of your anxiety, pay attention to your thoughts and feelings. They may be symptoms of an anxiety problem or disorder. Don't make fun of my mental health, its not easy to accept this fact but i have to.
I walked around with a weight on my chest that never went away. It was difficult for me to come to terms with the changes that had taken place in me over a matter of months. I was losing friends because of my behaviour, and all I wanted, more than anything else, was to go back to being my happy, cheerful self. I wanted to genuinely smile and laugh until my stomach hurt.
If it were a choice, why would anyone choose anything but happiness? The implication was clearly if you’re sad you choose to be so for attention or self-pity or out of laziness. If anything, being depressed made me want to isolate myself from everyone. Attention was possibly the last thing I wanted.
I realise now that anger was not the right emotion. I now know how difficult it is for someone who doesn’t have a mental health illness to understand just how debilitating it can be. I’ve experienced a lot of misunderstanding from some of the people closest to me. After having an anxiety disorder for six years, I’ve started to distance myself from this, though, and realise it’s difficult for others to understand. I’m grateful for the help and support I’ve received from loved ones but sometimes the help that means the most is the help that comes from unexpected places.
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